Infrequently Asked Questions

Table of Contents

1. What the hell is Amazing Schlock?
2. Why are all of you guys so ugly?
3. Why does no one recognize your genius?
4. It seems like you have a lot of actors, but what about a crew?
5. Why do you call your company Amazing Schlock?
6. Where can I find your films?

What the hell is Amazing Schlock?
Funny you ask, stupid, cause clearly we are some manner of independent filmmaking company. Duh.

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Why are all of you guys so ugly?
There's no simple way to answer that. We are all as God made us...well, accept for those snotty Hollywood types with all their fancy surgery. And someday we hope to be just like those snotty Hollywood types. We'll all have giant breasts, hair weaves and calf implants! Anyway, yeah, Amazing Schlock is mostly comprised of nerds and theater folk (i.e. actors too ugly to be on screen). We make our own movies cause no one will put us in their films. Just like Tarantino, that ugly freak! God bless him

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Why does no one recognize your genius?
We ask ourselves that everyday. Clearly it is some kind of conspiracy. We have a theory that a gnome or gremlin or something of the like is living in our telephone and is evilly intercepting all calls from Stevie Spielberg. We assume he'll let us call him Stevie...once we kill that gnome!

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It seems like you have a lot of actors, but what about a crew?
Uh...well...we don't really have one. See, people don't like to work on films if they aren't getting paid. The only way you can get someone to do crew for a film (and not pay them) is if you've promised to be a crew member on one of their films. And we don't like helping people, so we don't play that game. We, the actors and filmmakers, just do all the work ourselves. It sure is fun.

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Why do you call your company Amazing Schlock?
Whether or not we want to admit it, our films our schlock in the eyes of the industry. We have essentially NO budgets, and we mean NO budgets. The Blair Witch Project was made for only $40,000? WOW! Screw that, we don't have $40,000. We barley have $40. We pay for nothing. But alas, it often shows. There are only so many times we can use our friend’s houses for a location. Here what we're sayin'? Plus we shoot on digital video, not film, like all those rich indie filmmakers. DIE! DIE! We stress content quality over visual quality. Which is our excuse for the fact that our movies usually look like ass.

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Where can I find your films?
Though our movies were all made years ago, we’ve only recently been putting any effort into getting them outside of Minnesota. I Was a Teenage Frankenstein’s Roommate, probably our weakest film, was our test subject. It came and went on VHS and did well enough that we decided this time we’d go with our best film, Hey Stop Stabbing Me!. Sub Rosa Studios has released it on DVD, and we’re hoping to follow it up with probably Murder Made Easy next. If you're looking for anything else, like say, copies of the movies that aren’t yet released, signed copies of the movies, or pictures, our dirty socks, stock tips, whatever, just write to us at contactus@amazingschlock.com and we'll see what we can do.

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